stale time. things get old.

im glad nobody reads this. and if you do, than i am very sorry for my emo state of mind.

i need to exercise. all this pent up crap is making me so tired.

its so much easier to have a good outlook on things when the day just begins. by nighttime, you want everything to just up and disappear. for example, this morning, when i went to my first case, i had the "i am going to change you, child with autism, into a socially accepted, fact spouting, preschool prodigy" attitude. at 4 o'clock, i was like, "omgah, child, SHUT UP. stop crying or else i will throw you out that window". by the end of the work day, all i could think was "this is the fate you have chosen for yourself. you naive and optimistic fool."

but thats why days end. thats why weeks, months, years exist. humans have put a finish line, a restart button, on time because thats what we need. we need to be able to go to sleep, putting away our troubles for the day, to wake up refreshed and able to tackle the next day. we need to be able to start over when the old year ends and the new one begins. make new year resolutions. start with a blank semester, pretend we all have 100 percents, atleast until the first midterm comes. humans need that hope of a new beginning because, well, lets face it. we are all failures when held up against the high standards we have set for ourselves. and what better way to evade failure than creating a promise of a blank slate?

it reminds me of a story of salvation that i've been trippin' on. and by "trippin'" i mean "can't get over" or "amazed" not "stuck on some small idea" as urbandictionary.com likes to define it as.

beam me up, scotty

reading transports me into the lives of others. where i can analyze their thoughts while avoiding my own.

control freak.

i think i struggle with the issue of control a lot. it shows its ugly face in almost every aspect of my life. im not talking about control as in i lose control and get all crazy or anything. i just find it very very very difficult to let things go. its something i have to work on, fosho. i'd much rather be in charge. haha, i'd rather do everything by myself instead of letting others help me. major control freak right here, people.

i also get really upset when things dont go my way. im just really good at hiding it. except to some people. with them, i can't hide it no matter how hard i try. sucks to be you guys!

all in all, i don't know which one is better... having everything in my hands and being stressed because there's so much to do or letting things go and being stressed that things will go wrong and i won't be able to do anything about it because, once again, its not in my control.

ehh. on a different note, i want a dslr.

xanga or blogger?

i feel like im cheating on my xanga...

monmartre, paris